So, I’m nearly 10 months in to this twin-mum thing and I don’t seem to be getting any more tolerant of the stupid questions. For those who don’t have multiples, you may not understand. Basically, when you have twins or more, complete strangers suddenly think it’s acceptable to come and chat to you about your personal life, your family history, your feeding methods and in a round about way - the twins' conception!
Most days I'm out shopping or walking, I get the usual 'are they twins?'. This is usually when they are wearing similar or the same clothes, are the same size and look pretty similar. For those of you who don't know, my boys are dizygotic diamniotic twins or DiDi, which simply means they had they own placentas and own amniotic sacs. In short - non identical.
I'm pretty sure that parents of single babies don't get stopped as much as we multiple mums do. It seems that as soon as the double pushchair is out, it's an invitation for random strangers to ask stupid questions or coo over the boys, whilst blocking my path so they can stop and stare.
I know that to the lovely old lady who just wants a look, she probably hasn't seen twins for a while so whilst it's seemingly innocent to say the age old 'double trouble', for me it could be the 5th time that morning I've heard it. But when they were little, the attention was lovely, it still is most days but I swear, they see me coming. I'm at the bottom of the isle choosing yogurt and the lady at the top has spotted the bright red hood and the two angelic faces smiling out, I continue to stare at the shelves, desperately trying not to look up, she comes, closer, I stare harder. But then finally I can't help but look up from the fromage fraise with a smile that can only seem like an invitation to start the endless questioning as I have all the time in the world obviously and would like nothing more!
The other one is when we are walking down the street and the boys being started at from afar in a way I can only describe as if I'm carrying two bombs. They look at them, then up at me - I guess this is to confirm that I am in fact a terrorist. Another variation of this and one that I now have fun playing with, is the same bomb stare, then waiting until we have passed them (when the boys still faced us) to turn back and have a good gander and what I have tucked up in there. I now follow their stare as they look back and stare directly back at them. Sometimes, they smile, sometimes they realise they were staring and apologise. Either way, I guess we have this for a while longer yet.
So, some of the stupid conversations I have most days.
'Are they twins?' Well obviously yes as they are. 'Are they boys or girls?' Do the blue hats and coats not give it away?
'Do twins run in your family?'Depending on how I feel, I will answer honestly or just say no, or 'they do now!'
'Oh my god! My sister/cousin/colleague/neighbor/best friends dog has twins!' Wow . . . . Um good for them.
Where they natural? Now this is a very personal one. Sometimes I would love to say, 'no they are made of plastic!' Or 'actually yes but we have had two very toiling years of failed IVF, and heartache to get these twins'. This didn't happen, but people should think before they ask this one.
Are they identical? No they are not. Really, are you sure? Yeah I'm pretty sure. How can you tell? Because I know they are not identical. But they look it to me. Are you sure they're not? Trust me lady, you ask one last time! I haven't just spent the last 8 and a half months reading everything there is to know about the genetics of fraternal twins to be doubted and quizzed by a total stranger!
My boyfriend is a twin, so maybe we will have twins?' Um, nope, It doesnt work that way I'm afraid. Anyone that is the slightest bit clued up will realise that the male cannot determine if the woman releases two eggs or not. It's all about the woman.
Some of the others: do they wake each other up? Do they have different personalities? Did twins skip a generation? Did you have a c-section? Do you want any more kids? Are you breast feeding?
I get people suggesting that I'm mental, that I have my hands full, that I'm brave. The 'well done' from a gentleman really pissed me off the other week. It was like a 'well done' you managed to have sex and conceive twice at the same time.
But not all of it is bad. Yes it could be the 10th time Ive heard 'you've got your hands full' but I try to be pleasant to everyone and I know people only mean well. But next time you see a bedraggled looking mother pushing her screaming twins around the supermarket, instead of stating the obvious, try something like, 'ahhh your twins look really happy, you must be doing a really great job'. Because we're not super women, but mums of multiples are pretty close!
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