Experts say: always prepare your milk freshly each time the baby needs it.
What you did: Baby wakes up screaming for milk, you cannot for the life you be bothered to go downstairs to make a fresh one so you find a bottle that has the dregs in from the last feed an give them that! Crossing fingers they don't get tummy bugs later and don't scream for more.
Experts say: sterilize dummies that have dropped on the floor before giving back your baby.
What you did: picked up dummy, sucked it, whacked it back in babies mouth.
Experts say: change your childrens bed linen at least once a week.
What you did: changed it when it really started to smell of wee and milk and it is no longer white.
Experts say: keep your baby from putting dirty objects in their mouths when in the exploration stage.
What you did: as long as it's not cat poo, go for it. Build that immune system!
Experts say: do not let your children eat food that's fallen on the floor.
What you did: as long as it didn't land it cat poo, go for it! It's a 2 hour rule in this house. (I'm sure there's been times when the 2 week rule came out too!)
Experts say: don't let your kids have too much tv time. Limit it per day.
What you did: let your kids have Cbeebies on when ever they scream for it, when you need a wee, when you need to check Facebook or emails, when you want a cup of tea or when you just want some freakin peace!
Experts say: sterilize babies bottles each time before making up a feed.
What you did: forgot to sterilise bottles, swilled a dirty one under the tap and hoped for the best.
Experts say: teach your baby to learn to fall asleep on their own from an early age.
What you did: sang twinkle twinkle over and over whilst walking round the room, rocking baby, patting baby, and swaying from side to side in an attempt to get your precious baby to fall asleep. Then once certain they must be out cold, attempt to make "the transfer". Tip toe out of the room, feel pleased with your self you can go and watch eastenders then put one foot on the stairs . . . . And no! Babies' awake again (they must have built in movement sensors) then repeat above as needed.
Experts say: sleep when the baby sleeps.
What you did: Facebook, Twitter and catfish the TV show.
With all the above doubled, it's a wonder how I'm still fairly sane. I'm amazing that the boys are still thriving little things. But, in the words of a highly popular right now and starting-to-get-a-little-annoying, completely overdone and parodied song . . . . . . Let It Go fellow mammas, Let It Go!! X
